If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
