You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
