According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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