I look better un-naked...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
