I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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