I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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