If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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