I hate all girls vehemently.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
