ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
