I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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