so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
