Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
