Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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