He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
