wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
