I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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