I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
