I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
