Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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