I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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