I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
