It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
