And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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