I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
