I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
