Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
