Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
This toilet bowl is my home.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
