my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
