i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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