I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
handjob tips. give me some.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
