So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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