my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
