your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
