Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
