How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
