i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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