I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
