Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
