I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
