Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
