It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
