we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
