I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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