Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
