Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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