i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
