You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
