You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
