I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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