So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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