highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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