I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
