While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
